How COVID Stole Christmas! (And the rest of 2020)
Listen to the audiobook while you read!
Every Thing down in Thing-ville liked Christmas a lot…
But COVID, who hated all good things, did NOT!
COVID loathed Christmas! He loathed every season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be the bully was just idiotic.
It could be, perhaps, he was cruel and psychotic.
But really, the reason that most will recall,
May have been that deep down he had NO heart at all.
.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his sanity,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating humanity.
Staring down at the frontlines with no hint of glee,
At the well-distanced workers in full PPE.
For he know every Thing, who was getting much wiser,
Was busy now, buying more hand sanitizer.
.
“And they’re knitting new masks!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he bellowed, his mouth spewing spit like bad plumbing,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
.
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Thing girls and boys
Would wake bright and early. They’d Lysol their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
.
Then the Things, before eating, would line up to wash.
And they’d wash! And they’d wash! And they’d WASH! WASH! WASH! WASH!
They would wash twenty seconds then rinse, splishy-splosh.
Which was something that COVID had long yearned to squash.
.
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Thing down in Thing-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand, six feet separate, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d lower their face shields. And THEN they’d start SINGING!
Every Thing down in Thing-ville liked Christmas a lot…
But COVID, who hated all good things, did NOT!
.
COVID loathed Christmas! He loathed every season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be the bully was just idiotic.
It could be, perhaps, he was cruel and psychotic.
But really, the reason that most will recall,
May have been that deep down he had NO heart at all.
.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his sanity,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating humanity.
Staring down at the frontlines with no hint of glee,
At the well-distanced workers in full PPE.
For he know every Thing, who was getting much wiser,
Was busy now, buying more hand sanitizer.
.
“And they’re knitting new masks!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he bellowed, his mouth spewing spit like bad plumbing,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
.
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Thing girls and boys
Would wake bright and early. They’d Lysol their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
.
Then the Things, before eating, would line up to wash.
And they’d wash! And they’d wash! And they’d WASH! WASH! WASH! WASH!
They would wash twenty seconds then rinse, splishy-splosh.
Which was something that COVID had long yearned to squash.
.
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Thing down in Thing-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand, six feet separate, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d lower their face shields. And THEN they’d start SINGING!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more COVID thought of this sterilized sing,
The more COVID thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why, for fifty-three weeks I’ve destroyed 2020!
“But HOW in the world can I spread to so many?”
.
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GERM GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
.
“I know just what to do!” COVID coughed in his throat.
And he baked some fresh cookies and wrote a quick note.
And he chuckled, and wheezed, “What a great COVID trick!
“With this note and these cookies, I’ll infect Saint Nick!”
.
“All I need is to wait…” And he sat by the fire,
Reminiscing—“Oh, my! What a year to transpire!”
.
He’d grounded the airplanes, he’d shut down the borders.
He’d turned everyone into toilet roll hoarders.
He’d ruined the spring and the summer and fall,
He’d made people fight, and then, worst of all,
He’d wiped out whole families, the young and the old,
And kept spreading and spreading to numbers untold.
No matter how hard every home tried to fight,
The truth was for now there was no end in sight.
And that last deadly bit made the little jerk smirk,
When all of a sudden, he heard a loud ERRRKK!
.
And in came Kris Kringle, in